Children riot for control of local day care
Submitted by P. Muir
HOLLADAY - A full-scale riot broke out Friday at a medium-security childcare facility in Holladay, Utah, leaving two nannies on the ground with child vomit on their shirts and four others seriously frustrated.
Three-foot fences now surround the Blissful Childcare center as the standoff continues between insurgent toddlers and their caretakers.
“We will nap when we want to nap, not when the oppressive occupation tells us to,” said baby leader Joshua Thompson, whose Arabic name is Al-Milka Wani Nowi.
Blissful caretaker and 30-year veteran, Wanda Jackson, was with the young rebels when fighting broke out, but managed to escape when her assigned captor rolled over, she said. Her legs were covered with baby mess from what she described as a roadside diaper.
“I’m glad I got out of there before they put me in front of the hostage camera,” she said. “I heard some goo-goos and ga-gas that led me to believe they would make me swear I had been treated very well, that crying and temper tantrums had been limited and that everyone always ate their creamed vegetables. I’m here by God’s grace to tell you those are filthy lies.”
Emergency Nanny Action Squads from London and Massachusetts arrived on the scene Friday afternoon, armed with spanking paddles and stuffed teddy bears. In addition, facility authorities have cut off water, electricity and snacks to the children in an effort to bring the critical situation to an end. The center’s owner, Hillary Hanks, said she prefers to end the conflict peacefully, but will use force if necessary.
“We can take all these children out in two shakes of a lamb's tail,” Hanks said. “If these kids know what’s good for them, they’ll settle down and get ready for bed.”
editor@thesugarbeat.com
