Moore quits Risk game with CNN in rage after being asked to verify his army placement

Parker Bros. offered the game in hopes to help resolve disputes between the two

July 16, 2007 | Filmmaker Michael Moore wouldn't confirm or deny he cheated, but said rules were meant to be broken.

FLINT, MI — A game of Risk between CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta and Michael Moore ended abruptly Monday after a spat over troop reinforcement in the Quebec territory came to an insulting halt.

The two had agreed to play in the officiated Parker Brothers board game in an effort to settle disputes about Moore’s reporting in his most recent movie “Sicko,” and Dr. Gupta’s review of the film.

“We had sophomoric accusations flying in from the Moore camp and barbed responses hurled back from CNN for days across the Internet, so we decided to jump in and offer them a Gentleman’s way out,” said Parker Bros. spokesperson Amanda Wright. “We’re aware our high-intensity games can sometimes lead to fits of uncontrollable hysteria, which is why we’re willing to try again with Clue or Sorry!”

The game developed quickly, with Moore taking control in Australia and Europe while Gupta emerged as a power in the American continents. Army units surged along the Canadian border, where strategists surmised Moore planned to invade.

On turn 32, Moore allegedly placed an extra cavalry piece in Quebec, worth five army units, to bolster his invading forces, Gupta said. Just previously, Gupta had broken into Ukraine with an offensive from the Middle East, ending both Moore’s control of Europe and the five-army bonus that came with it.

“Things were going along fine until I saw Mr. Moore try to sneak those armies in there. I asked him to verify how many he had just placed, and that’s when he threw his arms in the air and decided to quit,” Gupta said.

For the next ten minutes, Moore launched a maniacal rebuke upon Gupta and CNN.

“We wouldn’t even be in this board game war if you’d have done your jobs in the first place,” he said. “I wouldn’t weigh 300 pounds, either, if you would hold our health care system accountable for once. Why won’t you do your jobs and reveal America as the corrupt nation it is?”

When pressed on whether or not he placed more armies in Quebec than he was supposed to, Moore would not confirm nor deny the claim.

“Well, I guess it depends on whether you’re playing with the truth-smearing rules of the ridiculous right and their corporate sponsors or the sensible rules of the masses who still believe in the First Amendment,” he said, smirking.

“What does it matter if it’s 10 armies or 15, the North American bonus is worth far more armies than it really should be. I’m just trying to make up for some mentally challenged conservative who obviously made this game for Westerners.”

“And really, considering the alarming number troops we’ve lost in Afghanistan and Iraq, shouldn’t the US forces be diminished by about half? And what are you doing with green pieces? Shouldn’t the American player be black or brown to reflect the amount of suppressed minorities forced to serve in our nation’s selfish interests? I mean, come on,” Moore added.

After listening to the criticisms, Gupta said he would be hesitant to schedule another game with Moore but wouldn’t yet rule out the possibility.

“We at CNN have always played by the rules and aren’t ashamed of it,” he said. “I think Moore probably just has a different philosophy.”

editor@thesugarbeat.com